*sigh*
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Thursday, 19 January 2012
It Gets Worse.
I sit in the classroom hopelessly lost and alone. No one can help me. No one wants too.
I think of all the teachers who will speak to me. All words that I will not understand.
And as I look around looking at my new classmates. For a moment I replace their faces with my old class. This offers a brief respire but later leads to bitter regret. I can't communicate with either parties. In rejecting all that has preceded my future, I have found that my future rejects me. My pride breaks and shatters.
Everyone else knows what they're doing. Everyone understands. Everyone but me.
To hold my hand up is suicide. Answering questions is impossible because I am encapsulated by fear. Fear of stigmatization and fear of being wrong. Having the wrong answer. Fear of being the ignorant fool I know myself to be. I displace the water from the pool of sorrow as I choke. My hands slap the water in a desperate attempt to flee, yet it only worsens the situation. I'm drowning.
*
Why it gets worse:
I think of all the teachers who will speak to me. All words that I will not understand.
And as I look around looking at my new classmates. For a moment I replace their faces with my old class. This offers a brief respire but later leads to bitter regret. I can't communicate with either parties. In rejecting all that has preceded my future, I have found that my future rejects me. My pride breaks and shatters.
Everyone else knows what they're doing. Everyone understands. Everyone but me.
To hold my hand up is suicide. Answering questions is impossible because I am encapsulated by fear. Fear of stigmatization and fear of being wrong. Having the wrong answer. Fear of being the ignorant fool I know myself to be. I displace the water from the pool of sorrow as I choke. My hands slap the water in a desperate attempt to flee, yet it only worsens the situation. I'm drowning.
*
Why it gets worse:
- I suck at French
- The Debating trip is gone, no one else is going because it's too late
- Talking to my old friends feels like talking to strangers
- Talking to new friends takes time
- My writing is lacking, and so is my math.
Whatever, it all gets better in the end anyways.
Sunday, 1 January 2012
The New Year Post
Happy New Year!
New friends! (I'm skipping a grade)
New grade! (I'm skipping a grade)
MORE MISERABLE WORK. (I'm skipping a grade)
I would just like to thank everyone who actually read this! You've boosted my petty self-esteem and even managed to fend off some existentialism crises by allowing me to think I'm important!
Normal posts should continue by Friday, though I'm not going to post as frequently ( my internet JUST came back, and I'm skipping a grade.)
P.S I still miss you Haadiya.
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